i cant concentrate
my head woozy
no (some) drugs involved
the changes fuck with me
im psyched and yet unsettled and alienated
help me
im loosing my mind
i cant cope with my own fate
lies and truths
my heart
techno
my mind
eerie
my stomach
acerbic
thoughts
grueling
tendencies
devious
to whom should i pledge allegiance
incantation of ordeals
or the delve of patronage
staid yet askew
specious chances
in which i tumble
i surmise victory
ruse or heap of dung
i hold onto my mind
adamant yet slippery
it lures me in
deeper into myself
my fantasy brash
leads me to believe
i have power
over me
over you
over everything
my decorum dimishes
my malady prevails
deliberately invasive towards life
cloying and drab
infuriating yet voluptuous
your crevice
i desist such thoughts
yet they haunt me
from second to second
day after day
my mind jerks me to the illicit
the abominations of my inner self
i try to judge it as a slip of the tongue
usual amenities of life-long drug abuse
i cant believe i could darken my doorstep again
thought i was indifferent to myself
yet i have infinite leverage against me
no antiseptic
no medicine
just me
plus myself
benignly hewing on my troubled mind
i just want to be happy. content, at ease
straining
admitting to myself that im tempted to end this right now.
but that would be depriving myself of too much enjoyment, innit?
