You suffer.
You hold yourself down.
You strangle yourself
every day.
No way out,
you tell yourself.
You lost,
you tell yourself.
You are nothing.
You have nothing to give
and nothing to show,
you tell yourself,
and start believing it.
Another YouTube video,
another hour lost,
another depressed thought cooked.
Where is my power?
Everybody telling me this is my world.
A white guy,
that’s easy,
you just have to go out and ask.
I asked.
They laughed.
They left me on read.
I wrote 400 companies,
only the AfD answered.
Weird feeling,
but understandable.
I threw away my life
when others worked for the future.
I had to murder and plunder
’cause working was anguish.
I spread love,
but only got adversaries.
And the love that I found,
I pushed away, out of necessity.
Forever alone,
like in my room at 12,
homework unfinished and
nobody to ask for help.
Always alone.
Nothing left besides dying.
I’m dying every day:
in my head,
in my soul,
in my body.
A powerhouse,
a leader,
defeated by the whores,
defeated by Babylon.
I just want to think
and create.
But I open my eyes
to destructive thoughts
and rising grief and ache.
Maybe it’s the drugs.
Maybe it’s the life.
Maybe it’s me.
Maybe it’s you.
An answer,
this is not.
