2015-01-28

not here to loose

i have control over my shit
my life is controlled by me
my work is controlled by me
my money comes in because i decide so
my plans
my dreams
my flat
my aesthetic
my taste
my food
my love
my clothes
my talent
my health
my environment
are all like they are
because of me

is it an aspiration
an urge to be superior
the best at what i do 
an impulse to lead
i don’t wanna follow
im the potentate of my realm
i don’t indulge into chaos
i don’t loose control
over my behavior
my shit
over me

chaos is cute when u 16 yr old
but when you over 27 
and didn’t overdose until now
it’s just pathetic

even in 2014
when i was high 24/7
i made more money
than all the years before
(maybe not more than in sczcecin days, but thats a story for a different book)
i opened doors
to things, ideas, future projects
that will position me 
where i want to be
i don’t wanna loose that
i don’t wanna loose that for a light high
don’t wanna loose that because of fucked up time management
because of hangovers
because of following instead of leading
glorifying being a looser
is not cool
unwashed clothes
filthy glasses
grimey flat
no room to breathe
no minimal expanse
for evolvement

i don’t have a born to loose tattoo
i do and want to continue to ball 
full court
i want to expand, grow, change
i want to be sponsored by adidas
run and dance for these kids
im not here to loose man 
im here to win

im not a lost child
in an ugly ass body
i wanna race my role models
play on their turfs
win on their courts man
they don’t want me
well i come anyway
they don’t like me
well i prolly fucked their gf
they don’t understand
well im not here to teach
im here to take

and im not gonna be denigrated
cause im different
my life is no joke
im not here to amuse you

i don’t wanna surround me with people
who i have to teach life
who are (with the possibility of sounding elitist or snobbish) under me
who doesn’t have the same knowledge about art, culture, life
i want people around me who are at my level
who are higher than me
better in ways
which i still have to learn
who understand
who know

i don’t need dumb shit
what i need are cultural comments
i want appreciation of knowledge and intelligence
not gonna be belittled for achievements

that’s why i don’t talk
not because im sulky or affronted
i abalienate myself
because im (sometimes/mostly) surrounded by stupidity/misconception
and i thought about it
maybe im the problem?
maybe i ride on a high horse and should be more open for other „ways“
and i say hell nah
i want to be that dude
i climbed out of the crapper 
why should i walk with the plebs
why should i align myself with them
and of course i will look down on ppl
cause god damn there are levels to this shit
nobody gave or taught me this shit
i took it


all these faded kids
the ravers
man
this culture based on drugs
on loosing control
i love it
but i don’t wanna be a part of it 
i wanna give them kids a good time
and leave
im not here for the after party
im not here for the drugs
man i did better drugs than all of you
i had better parties than all of you
im mr international
i was pitbull in this bitch
approved by pussy
from countries uoeno

and of course i flex man
to quote gucci here
i can talk the shit cause i got

yeez
i dont wanna endure ppl
i don’t wanna listen to the same old stuff
wow im high
wow i love drugs
exctasy woohoo
god
i want work
i want when, where, how much
i want gwuap
if you ain’t bout that boy
don’t try to hit me up
don’t talk to me
im pretty much over aimless gibberish
im over talking bout the feel
im over finding yourself
excuses
clarifications
i know who i am
i know who you are
i know what i can do
i know what you can do
i know where i want to go
no crossroads anymore
i met the devil
we talked it out
im on my way already
but this is no ego trip
im building a collective
of people who same-minded
creative, talented, intelligent
i can’t revise it enough
who share the same aesthetic
the same work flow
who grow without me 
besides me 
with me
who live my life
not because of me
because it's theirs too
who wanna build something
bigger
something that will outlive us
we all hungry
together we will eat man
royally
i can’t emphasize it enough
everybody has to be on fleek here
because they want to be
not because somebody told them to
or because they wanna impress

don’t change things for somebody or to impress somebody
change things to improve yourself
thats why adore/worship star trek
cause every individual is at his best
so the collective can grow

no time to waste

and of course
there is always time for 3gs of coke
there is always time for that bag of weed
there is always time for that dip or that e
but there is no time like now for work
work
work
work
put in work
im not here for the fun anymore
im here to cook
to sell
to stack
metaphorically and literally

again i don’t wanna teach those kids man
if somebody doesn’t share this kind of yearning
its cool im not judging yo
everybody can do whatever the fuck they want
but don’t get me involved than
don’t waste my time with niggly shit
with shit that don’t let me prosper
give me your wifi password and leave me the fuck alone