devoutly subject

we pay our screens
with the blood of our ancestors
truth shattering love
lies fuelled hate
nights of unconsciousness
days of sorrow and numbness
a long goodbye
a greeting one of its kind
pain of raped children
infirm sphincters
fallen pedigree
the meddle of death
courteous fate
seize me
and i will devoutly subject

unhealthy paranoia

unhealthy murderous paranoia
starts kicking in
as i try hard - to manage the stairs
down to the subway station
people are alive and kicking
and me
just a wicked, wired and weird
image of myself
run through the jungle
blasts in my inner ear
thinking makes me dizzy
standing makes me confused
again i pushed myself
to the fringe of my mind
searching for something
a moment of enlightenment and affiliation

humans
always look strange
when you off your tits
at 8 o'clock in the morning
on acid, mdma and
a pinch of columbian marching powder

i try - in vain
not to loose half of my shit
i unnecessarily carry around with me
self-imposed clumsiness
excess luggage of life
sure for the hep cat's eye
i'm entertaining to watch
but for the 'normal' citizen
i have to be a deviant vermin

the acid leaves me for a fallacious shake
and i notice that i'm coked out of my gourd
imbued with noxious sweat
i plan, plot and scheme
how to hold myself in an upright and cool position
way too much trouble
a confounding burden
and 100 per cent diametral to what i need right now
i pretentiously make myself comfortable on the ground

oh what a shlimazl - i say to myself
and start singing elegies by the doors and waka flocka flame
and as i'm regaled by the gorgeous moving floor
and the abhorred, distorted grimaces
i think - it's mandatory to never accept the tedium
always be up for unwise shenanigans
hopelessly search for the fastidiousness
cause like i said before
these are disastrous times
and one day in elysium is worth the abyss

my subway arrives
and my adventure continues

paid job

i know a lot more about the dominion war than about making a living, getting my shit together or finding and keeping a real paid job

Lewis Hyde

“Most artists are brought to their vocation when their own nascent gifts are awakened by the work of a master. That is to say, most artists are converted to art by art itself. Finding one’s voice isn’t just an emptying and purifying oneself of the words of others but an adopting and embracing of filiations, communities, and discourses. Inspiration could be called inhaling the memory of an act never experienced. Invention, it must be humbly admitted, does not consist in creating out of void but out of chaos.” - Lewis Hyde

smutna praca.

nad czym pracujesz?
nad niezabiciem sie.
smutna praca.

ecstasy and existence

i want you only for my purpose
for my appetite and craving
your function is to abide
my demand
and
desire
want to tie you up
to unmovable matter
and lock the room

as much as i want to be your dog
i want you
to be my slave
your frail, submissive body
your limited movements
my prey
my sacrifice
for nature
being a beast
for ecstasy
and existence

i have to sleep

i have to sleep
to much life and double-tongued cheering surrounds me
i feel foul
devoid weeks and days
i rot hanging from one leg
my vision of delight reflected from a broken mirror
sell very astute the cipher, i am brimmed with
pop up and gab on about it, what an amusement i am
at all costs it needed saying, keep it mind i say
i fight the longevity of oblivion with infernal delusions
i traded in for my soul
hell of a snip he said and paid the price
a tick of instant, microwaved enlightenment penetrates me
a self-destroying prophecy, royal whoremonging without the whores
where is my welsh tart, my guaranteed pure wine
i think out loud, perplexed and plangent
he assures me his best performance, while petting my troubled mind
but even affection, honey, ass and cake
is just another form of undercooked crucifixion
my stomach twirls, my psyche shatter, my sadness turns to death
the end i think, when does it all end
give me a clue as to where i am at
abused and under back-breaking ache
i dream of the moment i will ultimately crack
when i will generate the finite impetus
the last dimension drawn with targeted strokes
a final dance, the last track, a sip and a smoke
one poem, maybe one brute, ecstatic fuck and half a trip
while singing words i never understood and feeling sensations i never had
unlearning the pleasures i never sensed, adopting the pains i always amassed
buying a ticket for an unleashing show in which i am the guest and i am the host
no answers will be open, no questions asked
no rules ever stated and no liberty wasted 
no word recited and every act washed out
a rumpus without comparison
the fuel for the last trek
the rain to sweep away
the exhibition of failures
and garage sale of dearly purchased victories
there is no guestlist
entry is free
drinks are on the house
and drugs in the kitchen
let go
stay forever
a lively goodbye
for a dead life

crack skulls and see blood

for years now
i gamble with my wit
with an infantile easiness
when and where
i will be ambushed
by uncontrollable lunacy
at which unearthly hour
i will be clubbed down by frenzy
how much can i bear
how much am i able to stomach

humans
ain't they pretty
pus-filled nose zit of the earth
smelling
sacks of old meat
puffin' and huffin'
staring and
standing in lines
throwing up thoughts
nobody sane can imagine
garbage
groups of disorganized fucks
everywhere
hate and anger
where is my power
to laugh out loud

i don't have it anymore
i isolate love
and exaggerate the monster within
to crack skulls and see blood
young girls lay moribund
i cause casualties
proper damages
neat and tidy streets
painted by carnage
screams and weeping
my daily wine
my alimental vomit

i lied
i wake up
and find myself
crying in my bed
alone
crushed
unable
just me
skin disease
the lies i fought for
became my unwearable truth
my peacetime suit of armor
my white flag of warfare
the hundred years passed
and i am still there
where i begun
open
in the field
loose cannons pop everywhere
as i do my little charming dance
to not get swept away
before my turn
before my time
ragged and dirty
i titter in agony