smutna praca.

nad czym pracujesz?
nad niezabiciem sie.
smutna praca.

ecstasy and existence

i want you only for my purpose
for my appetite and craving
your function is to abide
my demand
and
desire
want to tie you up
to unmovable matter
and lock the room

as much as i want to be your dog
i want you
to be my slave
your frail, submissive body
your limited movements
my prey
my sacrifice
for nature
being a beast
for ecstasy
and existence

i have to sleep

i have to sleep
to much life and double-tongued cheering surrounds me
i feel foul
devoid weeks and days
i rot hanging from one leg
my vision of delight reflected from a broken mirror
sell very astute the cipher, i am brimmed with
pop up and gab on about it, what an amusement i am
at all costs it needed saying, keep it mind i say
i fight the longevity of oblivion with infernal delusions
i traded in for my soul
hell of a snip he said and paid the price
a tick of instant, microwaved enlightenment penetrates me
a self-destroying prophecy, royal whoremonging without the whores
where is my welsh tart, my guaranteed pure wine
i think out loud, perplexed and plangent
he assures me his best performance, while petting my troubled mind
but even affection, honey, ass and cake
is just another form of undercooked crucifixion
my stomach twirls, my psyche shatter, my sadness turns to death
the end i think, when does it all end
give me a clue as to where i am at
abused and under back-breaking ache
i dream of the moment i will ultimately crack
when i will generate the finite impetus
the last dimension drawn with targeted strokes
a final dance, the last track, a sip and a smoke
one poem, maybe one brute, ecstatic fuck and half a trip
while singing words i never understood and feeling sensations i never had
unlearning the pleasures i never sensed, adopting the pains i always amassed
buying a ticket for an unleashing show in which i am the guest and i am the host
no answers will be open, no questions asked
no rules ever stated and no liberty wasted 
no word recited and every act washed out
a rumpus without comparison
the fuel for the last trek
the rain to sweep away
the exhibition of failures
and garage sale of dearly purchased victories
there is no guestlist
entry is free
drinks are on the house
and drugs in the kitchen
let go
stay forever
a lively goodbye
for a dead life

crack skulls and see blood

for years now
i gamble with my wit
with an infantile easiness
when and where
i will be ambushed
by uncontrollable lunacy
at which unearthly hour
i will be clubbed down by frenzy
how much can i bear
how much am i able to stomach

humans
ain't they pretty
pus-filled nose zit of the earth
smelling
sacks of old meat
puffin' and huffin'
staring and
standing in lines
throwing up thoughts
nobody sane can imagine
garbage
groups of disorganized fucks
everywhere
hate and anger
where is my power
to laugh out loud

i don't have it anymore
i isolate love
and exaggerate the monster within
to crack skulls and see blood
young girls lay moribund
i cause casualties
proper damages
neat and tidy streets
painted by carnage
screams and weeping
my daily wine
my alimental vomit

i lied
i wake up
and find myself
crying in my bed
alone
crushed
unable
just me
skin disease
the lies i fought for
became my unwearable truth
my peacetime suit of armor
my white flag of warfare
the hundred years passed
and i am still there
where i begun
open
in the field
loose cannons pop everywhere
as i do my little charming dance
to not get swept away
before my turn
before my time
ragged and dirty
i titter in agony

weak and sad

i feel depressed
i have everything
me
everybody
perimetric
glorious
evolving
and spirited
still
i hate life
i hate me
i hate you
impotent
to move
to think
to do
i couch myself away
throw away my zeal
for a moment of repine satisfaction
lethargic amusement
doomed terms
funereal joy
aimless scrounge
all over the place
and nowhere to go
fishing for a trifle
discovering the cipher
jostle myself into it
just to find myself
laying there
weak and sad

high-five

the madness of the world
the ache of the unfit
we are controlled by our spleens
our well-rehearsed performance
we are the off-coloured
the uncontrolled dancers
the unsound cancer
the scientists call it human
we live through our daily routine
by selling our tourette as our excellence
we make our pain cool
so people love us
but they look at me
the same way they look at a diseased child
he is an artists, hipster, bohemian
do i get love or aversion
do i deserve both
do i grant both
with my remarkable dancing steps
can't adhere them within
hard to decode
prodigious mistakes
happened to offhand mothers
and boys who desired a fuck
im the boy who wants to fuck
the demerit of hard labour
sacrifice
breeding
upbringing
first and foremost love
miracle of activity and power
of not using a condom
of unnatural constellations
of messed up people
with big dreams
which they couldn't carry
of tradition
nouveau cerebration
of future
and past
of something that wasn't planned as it turned out
turned out quite fucking good
one of a fucking kind
a disaster
perfection
nothing
and everything
ultimate
being
ultimate
will

i will be
i dance on
people stare
i laugh
i cry
live on
make rules
break them
build pyramids
climb them
pissing from the roof
as a skill of my accomplishment
gibberish
what life is
action
word
word
action
only you understand
only i listen
high-five myself
for being shallow

karma

i don't believe in karma
but i think
every bad word
that was said
against me
my being
my behavior
my poise
or swag

is finally paid back to me

i mean hopfully i don't jinx it

but

i scream woman
i get one
i scream drugs
i get mine
i scream food
im stuffed

they speak in fuckin tongues
glossolalia motherfucker

i love this noise
i love the stink

keep it coming
and i will keep goin on

arudous

i cry, i laugh, i shiver with joy and fear of myself, my actions, my power, my ambitions, my angst, my wars, my body and soul - am i made for this, do the gods really wanted me to survive that long to fight this little campaigns against you, myself - against something i never understood, something wich was never explained to me something that is that easy and still so arudous - the faster the greater, terror, shame, anxiety - splice you silly - bollocks! - nowt - nothing