another go

another round
another go
over 400 hours in this bih
cant stop
wont stop
love it too much
i enjoy it
it helps me
it is freedom
for a couple of hours i can breathe
i am the king
the emperor
humble beginnings
barbarians lurk everywhere
city states to be found
trade established
flourishing Babylon
new horizons
the sea, the land, the air?
explorer or colonizer
friend or foe
a great statesmen or an unhinged overlord
all in your palm
season pass on sale
steaming railroads
airplanes connect your people
your culture broadcasting over your countries borders
they buy your jeans
they listen to your music
do they believe in your god?
talk to them and find out
or cleanse the lands from their ignorance
a fun afternoon
lot to see here
pop by sometime
lets rule the world together...

are you listening?

 a new form

free

unedited

changeling

moving forward

excited

new power

new lane

every odd 7 years it would seem

i transcend

im scared of it

very lost in my own intellect

but the empty page is calling me

dim words

dim heroes

i charge after them

ginsberg, thompson, kerouac, acosta, baldwin

i cry out for your help

nwr, pasolini, jarmusch and jodorowsky

show me the light 

the shadows

the angles

the wizardry

the wizards of my realm

godlike figures dancing and fighting in my cranium

old faces decorating the mosaic of time

my only wish is to join

my pain 

my tumor

my propulsion

me

not them

a different arrangement 

entanglement of my own episodes

interweaving of MY circumstances

needles comparison

stop it

pick out yourself

distinguish, identify, notice

train to love it

exploit it

feed it

crown it

your version of it

your narrative

your feelings

your gut

listen

open your eyes

feel

open your heart

warmth

is around you

life

is truly beautiful

to the keen observer

do not get scared by the testing

do not listen to the doubt

be the observer not the critic

and do not let your mind isolate you

as you did before 

you did it all

seen even more

powerless through your own fulfillment

a pig in a blanket

oh i know you yearning the blanket

i know you

lethargic troglodyte you

i know how comforting it is

just shy away

show em the finger

they do not understand you

you alone

always alone

you tell yourself that

one more time and you will start to believe it

its not true

the only gospel is

you mother fought for your life

your mothers parents fought for your life

they gifted you that dance

apply it

water it

worship it

heal

be the transhuman warrior you always joke about

whats stopping you?

who holds your back?

only you?

no

everybody

nobody

your head

your heart

your soul

your emotions

your hunger and your thirst

all of it starts and ends with you

just you

fun-size package of joy

tell em that

tell em you need time

tell em this is important to you

tell em nic cage smooches good

tell em that

and most importantly

tell em not today chief

cause its your life...

i know you heard it all before

but did you listen?

expectations

what do i expect?
i expect an unnatural vibrancy
an unfiltered exchange of consciousness
a pushy urge to show dead minds to one another
dominant levels of argument
where is your hurtful boast
for the greater good

what do i get?
sadly a simple revulsion in me
towards the inattentive
my guts roar for the swine, the pests
the red faced meat
troglodytes laughing, huffing and puffing
so much flesh and fat
hanging from brittle bones

who made these?
ofc more of them
what indescribable horrors had to breed
under heavy ache
mawing at each other
releasing settlers in every direction
whole countries bend to their wim
they tell you right from wrong
these eyeless shapes fueled by sugar, day old coffee
and hypocrisy
wholesale meat
50% off

i fuck better bitches than them
i tell myself
a young ting just suffocated on my dick
and im taking an overprized uber home
everything is ok
i write my mom
everything is ok
life is fun
i cant feel my legs

my mind popping back into this backseat
my stomach tumbling
20 years i do dis
20 years im a beast
everything for the beast
with the beast we go

these bitches dont vote tho
they dont buy the planes
they dont rape
bike lanes or
cheap discount serotonin 
pick your side
who wins anyway
their peristalis pushes out
an endless stream of moldy yolk
loose muscles wobble around
while hellish gulping noises
spew out the latest hate
you cant win
you dont have the man power

my digestive system is not not made for this
the terror wont be my hindrance tho
i hack myself out of it if necessary
tear their ugly flesh apart
just to see the brilliance
cause there is light
not only in me but in you too
so clutch your gladius and shield
seize the moment
until the floor is slippery from the opposition

we need to make the moment bigger
expand the pattern
fill the still life
play with the contrast
and slide the composition
sorry im such a pretentious lil shutterbug
but capturing passion is my goal
i just need peace
people just want peace, right?
and its not my fault there is none
also not yours...

YOU ARE A STORM

you took me by suprise

threw me off my path

had me glidin

i had to reset my guiding

wake up

hold the helm

command my power

you are mighty

a beacon

a light

a feeling

a smell

vibrant

vigorous,

you make me!

understanding

versed

deep-rooted,

profound and enchanting

entrust your insights on me

award me with your shape!

as iam your bond servant

and your solitary partisan

yes, "love"

an inconstant variable

used, abused tête-à-tête

and still i permit myself

to clutch and squeeze

this excitement and the pleasure

to feel it

to feel it for you

i long for you

im itching 

hooked

obsessed

your laugh delights me

your eyes soothing, reassuring

your body speaks in tongues

your lips

your lips

oh vulcan venus and mars

the gods envy you

cause i only accolade and rave in your glory

as i am indebted to you

devoted

subservient

rule over me 

as i rule over the lands

that i would donate to the peasants

any time

just to be yours

just to seize, 

a brush or stroke of your hand

sense your skin levitating over mine

nirvana

elysium

and zion

Glasses

„You can’t look at a glass half full or empty if it’s overflowing.“

not here to loose

i have control over my shit

my life is controlled by me

my work is controlled by me

my money comes in because i decide so

my plans

my dreams

my flat

my aesthetic

my taste

my food

my love

my clothes

my talent

my health

my environment

are all like they are

because of me

is it an aspiration

an urge to be superior

the best at what i do 

an impulse to lead

i don’t wanna follow

im the potentate of my realm

i don’t indulge into chaos

i don’t loose control

over my behavior

my shit

over me

chaos is cute when u 16 yr old

but when you over 27 

and didn’t overdose until now

it’s just pathetic

even in 2014

when i was high 24/7

i made more money

than all the years before

(maybe not more than in sczcecin days, but thats a story for a different book)

i opened doors

to things, ideas, future projects

that will position me 

where i want to be

i don’t wanna loose that

i don’t wanna loose that for a light high

don’t wanna loose that because of fucked up time management

because of hangovers

because of following instead of leading

glorifying being a looser

is not cool

unwashed clothes

filthy glasses

grimey flat

no room to breathe

no minimal expanse

for evolvement

i don’t have a born to loose tattoo

i do and want to continue to ball 

full court

i want to expand, grow, change

i want to be sponsored by adidas

run and dance for these kids

im not here to loose man 

im here to win

im not a lost child

in an ugly ass body

i wanna race my role models

play on their turfs

win on their courts man

they don’t want me

well i come anyway

they don’t like me

well i prolly fucked their gf

they don’t understand

well im not here to teach

im here to take

and im not gonna be denigrated

cause im different

my life is no joke

im not here to amuse you

i don’t wanna surround me with people

who i have to teach life

who are (with the possibility of sounding elitist or snobbish) under me

who doesn’t have the same knowledge about art, culture, life

i want people around me who are at my level

who are higher than me

better in ways

which i still have to learn

who understand

who know

i don’t need dumb shit

what i need are cultural comments

i want appreciation of knowledge and intelligence

not gonna be belittled for achievements

that’s why i don’t talk

not because im sulky or affronted

i abalienate myself

because im (sometimes/mostly) surrounded by stupidity/misconception

and i thought about it

maybe im the problem?

maybe i ride on a high horse and should be more open for other „ways“

and i say hell nah

i want to be that dude

i climbed out of the crapper 

why should i walk with the plebs

why should i align myself with them

and of course i will look down on ppl

cause god damn there are levels to this shit

nobody gave or taught me this shit

i took it

all these faded kids

the ravers

man

this culture based on drugs

on loosing control

i love it

but i don’t wanna be a part of it 

i wanna give them kids a good time

and leave

im not here for the after party

im not here for the drugs

man i did better drugs than all of you

i had better parties than all of you

im mr international

i was pitbull in this bitch

approved by pussy

from countries uoeno

and of course i flex man

to quote gucci here

i can talk the shit cause i got

yeez

i dont wanna endure ppl

i don’t wanna listen to the same old stuff

wow im high

wow i love drugs

exctasy woohoo

god

i want work

i want when, where, how much

i want gwuap

if you ain’t bout that boy

don’t try to hit me up

don’t talk to me

im pretty much over aimless gibberish

im over talking bout the feel

im over finding yourself

excuses

clarifications

i know who i am

i know who you are

i know what i can do

i know what you can do

i know where i want to go

no crossroads anymore

i met the devil

we talked it out

im on my way already

but this is no ego trip

im building a collective

of people who same-minded

creative, talented, intelligent

i can’t revise it enough

who share the same aesthetic

the same work flow

who grow without me 

besides me 

with me

who live my life

not because of me

because it's theirs too

who wanna build something

bigger

something that will outlive us

we all hungry

together we will eat man

royally

i can’t emphasize it enough

everybody has to be on fleek here

because they want to be

not because somebody told them to

or because they wanna impress

don’t change things for somebody or to impress somebody

change things to improve yourself

thats why adore/worship star trek

cause every individual is at his best

so the collective can grow

no time to waste

and of course

there is always time for 3gs of coke

there is always time for that bag of weed

there is always time for that dip or that e

but there is no time like now for work

work

work

work

put in work

im not here for the fun anymore

im here to cook

to sell

to stack

metaphorically and literally

again i don’t wanna teach those kids man

if somebody doesn’t share this kind of yearning

its cool im not judging yo

everybody can do whatever the fuck they want

but don’t get me involved than

don’t waste my time with niggly shit

with shit that don’t let me prosper

give me your wifi password and leave me the fuck alone

IDA

i love you

your presence illuminates me
your scent is euphorizing
your laughter makes jubilant
your touch thrills my skin

your skin
the canvas of my sensual mind

your hair
the inflaming spark

your eyes
the diamonds and the suns
which i wanna wear to town

your ears
so delicate
listening to my babble
of groundless pain and sorrow

your mouth

this light red kiss

speak to me
tender lines of absolute truth

our truth
which i should bare
cause my love isnt false

your arms
your movements
the grace and beauty
which no whore could ever fake

your hands
caring
protecting

one stroke through my hair
can wash away all evil
lift my mood for days

your long legs
which stir up any room
any mens fantasy

i want to kiss them
touch them
every day

your feet
that carry you
us
around the world
to places i only want to enjoy with you

i want to bathe them
on my knees
every day

your fingers
veins
muscles
filled with the sweetest blood
i tasted and felt so many times
raging
flowing

the mystical vivacity
i want to venerate it every day

your breasts
the warmth
i wanna lay my head on
hear your young heart
it want to live to its beat
the drums
my religion

the movement of your lungs
while we breath in each others mouths
while our naked bodies nurse
away the secular affairs

your stomach
this magical land of lust
which i wanna walk down
and draw my paths on
every day

your ass
this place
of sensuality
this perfect artifact
makes me loose my shit
every fucking day

your pussy
i want her
i want to own her
feast on her
i want to draw upon her
take from her
rest with her
sample her
cherish her and pet her
i want to fuck her
spoil her and praise her
get to know her
merry her and protect her
build a house
come home to her
and be there for her
every day

your mind
your soul
the one that makes happy
makes me calm
makes my fucking day
the one mind
that understand
helps
feels
and loves

as i do
the one soul
that kills
with one word
one text
brutal
ruthless
only because it cares?

lets set the mind free of evil and fear
so we can function
strive and prosper
together
every day

i will repeat
im your slave
use me

i am young
unversed
teach me

what i have to do?

tell me
show me
so i can realize

i dont know how
cause i was born an idiot

be brave for us
cause i was born a coward

oblige my honesty
cause i was born a liar

take my hand
lead me
cause i was born a fucking cripple

write it down for me
make me understand
take me to fucking college
cause i was left untaught

read it to me
tell me the story
cause i was born blind

draw it for me
paint the fucking picture
cause i dont understand their languages

let me feel it
cause i made us cold
i was cold
you got cold
hope you learn how to forget
so i can remember

lets meet woman
we have to warm up our bed

i love her

i love her
and i let her go today

i want only her
but said that i want to fuck other women

what does that mean
why i did that

i mean if even wanted somebody else
id be happy now but i only want her

why did i say and write what i said and wrote today
it makes no fucking sense

am i dumb
or scared
am i that of a pussy
that im scared of real commitment
real honesty real blame

i mean blamed everything on me
she did too
i changed
not changed
realized
that she is the one
and that no other whore is worth a fuck
and she fucked me again
how she loved me before
and i fucked her
like i always will love her

no one fucked like we did
i want to fuck her again
everyday
i cant live without her
her remedial sultry subservient body
the only carnality worth dying for
i want to pry on that pungent scent
there are no words any more
how i miss her now
what i write is useless
and meagre bullshit
what did i do
why did let her go
she was beginning to be mine
i was always hers
my mind is itinerant
i cant control myself anymore
im fickle and lost
what did i do
what do i do here
i killed her with such an astute smack
why i do that
to her
to myself
what does this prove
my actions and words are inept

i wrote about it earlier
about dissolving my mind
i think im here
i want to throw away everything
whats good for me
why do i want to do that
why cant is just stick by what makes me happy
what gives me power to survive
why cant i work and fight for my dreams
and for the people who i love
and who love me back
why do i do that
why do i hate them and myself so much
why why why
god i suck
but really though what the fuck
did i just did
i hope its for the best
i hope this makes sense
i dont know any more
i just want to touch her
i just want to be happy
go on with my life
do what i love
with the people i love
but i cant somehow
i just cant
my mind says no
and i follow
till desiccation
where is this virile lover now
crying over his laptop like a fucking teenage girl

i will never forget the moment when you came to emser str
in your tight jeans shorts and that shiny turquoise shirt
i just wanted to say one true thing to you
no matter how silly it would sound
because now that i heard your voice again everything changed
but before i even could gathered my wits i condemned myself to eternal shame

i want your sap oozing from your legs
your warm feline odor and your hair in my mouth
my eyes are closed
we breathe warmly into each other's mouth
close together
death three thousand miles away
to have you here in bed with me
breathing on me
your hair in my mouth
i counted that something of a miracle
nothing could happen now
while i was rewarded for all my struggles and heartaches
in just watching you
you asleep
i decide
i cant hurt you again
i cant and will not make your cry for me again
thats why
thats why i cant be with you
im a bad man
and i dont want you to deal with that shit
i want you to be happy
and i want to make you happy
but i dont know how
i just dont know
i just cant
i want to be near you so bad
but you dont deserve shit like me
i fucked your over once
i didnt learn my lesson
now i remunerate myself
for all my future wrongdoing