i have to sleep

i have to sleep
to much life and double-tongued cheering surrounds me
i feel foul
devoid weeks and days
i rot hanging from one leg
my vision of delight reflected from a broken mirror
sell very astute the cipher, i am brimmed with
pop up and gab on about it, what an amusement i am
at all costs it needed saying, keep it mind i say
i fight the longevity of oblivion with infernal delusions
i traded in for my soul
hell of a snip he said and paid the price
a tick of instant, microwaved enlightenment penetrates me
a self-destroying prophecy, royal whoremonging without the whores
where is my welsh tart, my guaranteed pure wine
i think out loud, perplexed and plangent
he assures me his best performance, while petting my troubled mind
but even affection, honey, ass and cake
is just another form of undercooked crucifixion
my stomach twirls, my psyche shatter, my sadness turns to death
the end i think, when does it all end
give me a clue as to where i am at
abused and under back-breaking ache
i dream of the moment i will ultimately crack
when i will generate the finite impetus
the last dimension drawn with targeted strokes
a final dance, the last track, a sip and a smoke
one poem, maybe one brute, ecstatic fuck and half a trip
while singing words i never understood and feeling sensations i never had
unlearning the pleasures i never sensed, adopting the pains i always amassed
buying a ticket for an unleashing show in which i am the guest and i am the host
no answers will be open, no questions asked
no rules ever stated and no liberty wasted 
no word recited and every act washed out
a rumpus without comparison
the fuel for the last trek
the rain to sweep away
the exhibition of failures
and garage sale of dearly purchased victories
there is no guestlist
entry is free
drinks are on the house
and drugs in the kitchen
let go
stay forever
a lively goodbye
for a dead life

crack skulls and see blood

for years now
i gamble with my wit
with an infantile easiness
when and where
i will be ambushed
by uncontrollable lunacy
at which unearthly hour
i will be clubbed down by frenzy
how much can i bear
how much am i able to stomach

humans
ain't they pretty
pus-filled nose zit of the earth
smelling
sacks of old meat
puffin' and huffin'
staring and
standing in lines
throwing up thoughts
nobody sane can imagine
garbage
groups of disorganized fucks
everywhere
hate and anger
where is my power
to laugh out loud

i don't have it anymore
i isolate love
and exaggerate the monster within
to crack skulls and see blood
young girls lay moribund
i cause casualties
proper damages
neat and tidy streets
painted by carnage
screams and weeping
my daily wine
my alimental vomit

i lied
i wake up
and find myself
crying in my bed
alone
crushed
unable
just me
skin disease
the lies i fought for
became my unwearable truth
my peacetime suit of armor
my white flag of warfare
the hundred years passed
and i am still there
where i begun
open
in the field
loose cannons pop everywhere
as i do my little charming dance
to not get swept away
before my turn
before my time
ragged and dirty
i titter in agony