weak and sad

i feel depressed
i have everything
me
everybody
perimetric
glorious
evolving
and spirited
still
i hate life
i hate me
i hate you
impotent
to move
to think
to do
i couch myself away
throw away my zeal
for a moment of repine satisfaction
lethargic amusement
doomed terms
funereal joy
aimless scrounge
all over the place
and nowhere to go
fishing for a trifle
discovering the cipher
jostle myself into it
just to find myself
laying there
weak and sad

high-five

the madness of the world
the ache of the unfit
we are controlled by our spleens
our well-rehearsed performance
we are the off-coloured
the uncontrolled dancers
the unsound cancer
the scientists call it human
we live through our daily routine
by selling our tourette as our excellence
we make our pain cool
so people love us
but they look at me
the same way they look at a diseased child
he is an artists, hipster, bohemian
do i get love or aversion
do i deserve both
do i grant both
with my remarkable dancing steps
can't adhere them within
hard to decode
prodigious mistakes
happened to offhand mothers
and boys who desired a fuck
im the boy who wants to fuck
the demerit of hard labour
sacrifice
breeding
upbringing
first and foremost love
miracle of activity and power
of not using a condom
of unnatural constellations
of messed up people
with big dreams
which they couldn't carry
of tradition
nouveau cerebration
of future
and past
of something that wasn't planned as it turned out
turned out quite fucking good
one of a fucking kind
a disaster
perfection
nothing
and everything
ultimate
being
ultimate
will

i will be
i dance on
people stare
i laugh
i cry
live on
make rules
break them
build pyramids
climb them
pissing from the roof
as a skill of my accomplishment
gibberish
what life is
action
word
word
action
only you understand
only i listen
high-five myself
for being shallow

karma

i don't believe in karma
but i think
every bad word
that was said
against me
my being
my behavior
my poise
or swag

is finally paid back to me

i mean hopfully i don't jinx it

but

i scream woman
i get one
i scream drugs
i get mine
i scream food
im stuffed

they speak in fuckin tongues
glossolalia motherfucker

i love this noise
i love the stink

keep it coming
and i will keep goin on

arudous

i cry, i laugh, i shiver with joy and fear of myself, my actions, my power, my ambitions, my angst, my wars, my body and soul - am i made for this, do the gods really wanted me to survive that long to fight this little campaigns against you, myself - against something i never understood, something wich was never explained to me something that is that easy and still so arudous - the faster the greater, terror, shame, anxiety - splice you silly - bollocks! - nowt - nothing

society

im being sunk by a society that demands success, when all i can offer is failure.

feel stuff

i don't do drugs anymore
now i have to feel stuff :S

ida

The magic
the rapture
the fire
the awkwardness
the power
of fucking
and feeling
the aspiration
the deprivation
the recovery
the heat
your mind
your ravishing beauty
your ass and pussy
its on my mind
24/7
every minute
every second
i ardently seek your depravity
like an addict in need
you are my drug
i celebrate you
yearn for you
your body is scenic
your voice my katabasis
exhale it over me
dissolve my issues
show me the end the intent
i behave like a boy
with a grown mans dick
your lustful thighs
you ecstatic bitter woman
with a creamy jolt
you fucked my mind
truly fucked
raped
after all pleased
and full of jolly hope

fuck this is happening
yes it is
never thought i feel that in my life
so scared of it
never understood it
never wanted it for me (!)
never acknowledged its existence
believed it existed
never saw me as one who can be it

woman
im happy

take a picture

everybody loves his picture taken - everybody.

doors

I will remember you as something new to my life
something strange and weird i didn't posses for years
as the one with which i was strung out on acid on a tuesday morning
as the one dancing in the park and wondering why life is so picturesque
as the one who showed me art from an artists sentiment
as the one who came, when she saw me
as the one who made me change myself, for me
as the one who made me something exceptional for my women to come
as the one who hated me with all her affection
as the one i hated with all my love
i thank you
i thank you, for me being able to feel again
and the strength to share it with those, with whom i want to share

ginsberg I

"I want people to bow as they see me and say he is gifted with poetry, he has seen the presence of the Creator.
And the Creator gave me a shot of his presence to gratify my wish, so as not to cheat me of my yearning for him." - Allen Ginsberg