IDA

i love you

your presence illuminates me
your scent is euphorizing
your laughter makes jubilant
your touch thrills my skin

your skin
the canvas of my sensual mind

your hair
the inflaming spark

your eyes
the diamonds and the suns
which i wanna wear to town

your ears
so delicate
listening to my babble
of groundless pain and sorrow

your mouth

this light red kiss

speak to me
tender lines of absolute truth

our truth
which i should bare
cause my love isnt false

your arms
your movements
the grace and beauty
which no whore could ever fake

your hands
caring
protecting

one stroke through my hair
can wash away all evil
lift my mood for days

your long legs
which stir up any room
any mens fantasy

i want to kiss them
touch them
every day

your feet
that carry you
us
around the world
to places i only want to enjoy with you

i want to bathe them
on my knees
every day

your fingers
veins
muscles
filled with the sweetest blood
i tasted and felt so many times
raging
flowing

the mystical vivacity
i want to venerate it every day

your breasts
the warmth
i wanna lay my head on
hear your young heart
it want to live to its beat
the drums
my religion

the movement of your lungs
while we breath in each others mouths
while our naked bodies nurse
away the secular affairs

your stomach
this magical land of lust
which i wanna walk down
and draw my paths on
every day

your ass
this place
of sensuality
this perfect artifact
makes me loose my shit
every fucking day

your pussy
i want her
i want to own her
feast on her
i want to draw upon her
take from her
rest with her
sample her
cherish her and pet her
i want to fuck her
spoil her and praise her
get to know her
merry her and protect her
build a house
come home to her
and be there for her
every day

your mind
your soul
the one that makes happy
makes me calm
makes my fucking day
the one mind
that understand
helps
feels
and loves

as i do
the one soul
that kills
with one word
one text
brutal
ruthless
only because it cares?

lets set the mind free of evil and fear
so we can function
strive and prosper
together
every day

i will repeat
im your slave
use me

i am young
unversed
teach me

what i have to do?

tell me
show me
so i can realize

i dont know how
cause i was born an idiot

be brave for us
cause i was born a coward

oblige my honesty
cause i was born a liar

take my hand
lead me
cause i was born a fucking cripple

write it down for me
make me understand
take me to fucking college
cause i was left untaught

read it to me
tell me the story
cause i was born blind

draw it for me
paint the fucking picture
cause i dont understand their languages

let me feel it
cause i made us cold
i was cold
you got cold
hope you learn how to forget
so i can remember

lets meet woman
we have to warm up our bed

i love her

i love her
and i let her go today

i want only her
but said that i want to fuck other women

what does that mean
why i did that

i mean if even wanted somebody else
id be happy now but i only want her

why did i say and write what i said and wrote today
it makes no fucking sense

am i dumb
or scared
am i that of a pussy
that im scared of real commitment
real honesty real blame

i mean blamed everything on me
she did too
i changed
not changed
realized
that she is the one
and that no other whore is worth a fuck
and she fucked me again
how she loved me before
and i fucked her
like i always will love her

no one fucked like we did
i want to fuck her again
everyday
i cant live without her
her remedial sultry subservient body
the only carnality worth dying for
i want to pry on that pungent scent
there are no words any more
how i miss her now
what i write is useless
and meagre bullshit
what did i do
why did let her go
she was beginning to be mine
i was always hers
my mind is itinerant
i cant control myself anymore
im fickle and lost
what did i do
what do i do here
i killed her with such an astute smack
why i do that
to her
to myself
what does this prove
my actions and words are inept

i wrote about it earlier
about dissolving my mind
i think im here
i want to throw away everything
whats good for me
why do i want to do that
why cant is just stick by what makes me happy
what gives me power to survive
why cant i work and fight for my dreams
and for the people who i love
and who love me back
why do i do that
why do i hate them and myself so much
why why why
god i suck
but really though what the fuck
did i just did
i hope its for the best
i hope this makes sense
i dont know any more
i just want to touch her
i just want to be happy
go on with my life
do what i love
with the people i love
but i cant somehow
i just cant
my mind says no
and i follow
till desiccation
where is this virile lover now
crying over his laptop like a fucking teenage girl

i will never forget the moment when you came to emser str
in your tight jeans shorts and that shiny turquoise shirt
i just wanted to say one true thing to you
no matter how silly it would sound
because now that i heard your voice again everything changed
but before i even could gathered my wits i condemned myself to eternal shame

i want your sap oozing from your legs
your warm feline odor and your hair in my mouth
my eyes are closed
we breathe warmly into each other's mouth
close together
death three thousand miles away
to have you here in bed with me
breathing on me
your hair in my mouth
i counted that something of a miracle
nothing could happen now
while i was rewarded for all my struggles and heartaches
in just watching you
you asleep
i decide
i cant hurt you again
i cant and will not make your cry for me again
thats why
thats why i cant be with you
im a bad man
and i dont want you to deal with that shit
i want you to be happy
and i want to make you happy
but i dont know how
i just dont know
i just cant
i want to be near you so bad
but you dont deserve shit like me
i fucked your over once
i didnt learn my lesson
now i remunerate myself
for all my future wrongdoing