stratosphere

there i was again
havin' a blast
with people i don't really know
or like
do i know anybody
do i have friends
or just drinkin' buddies
some mates
i have a drink with
a snort, short laugh
nothing serious
nothing that matters
nothing brings joy
in the long run
oh my god
i lost my spirit
for everything
for conversations
for excitement
for life
i'm sore
of myself
my so called friends
my actions
everything
seems dull
everything
is empty
everything is meaningless
post everything
i joke
but there is a truth to it
i am post everything
seen so much
learned so little
pure pleasure seeker
as my good friend put it so clearly there in the sky
the sky was always the limit
but what if i got finally to the stratosphere
and if after there
there is nothing
or everything
i don't know yet
should i go further
should i stop
should i go home and make tea
we will see
we will live
for now

sisyphean labour

i think most of the folks i meet in this city of mine are lonely
as i understand they search for a pretty little thing called propinquity
a thing that is very big-ticket in this hellish dump
everyone 'does' something here, important stuff, intelligent stuff, creative stuff
who nobody really cares about, cause everybody knows everything (about everything)
a thing
is there one, that nobody knows, nobody has, everybody needs to be happy
happiness what a fuck up, invariably searching, perennially fighting for a
sisyphean labour
do we find it in our work, our mobiles, our omnipotent
internet
a lost world, lost people, lost hopes, lost
youth
there is none, there was none, there will be none, there is only fucking
hell
i lost the word, i try so hard to be interesting and murder, rape, genocide my ambitions and goodness, myself, to be something, i fool myself, is the right way to things, to life
the answer
42 (ha! quote) funny, cynical, eloquent, a never-sad motherfucker
clownish
like i said there is nothing
really
just me
just my shit
so egocentric
so pathetic
just 5 minutes of your glorious and amazing life i stole with my shit
thank you
fuck you
goodbye

me

what a state of numbness
nothing's comin' out
nothing's goin' in
in my mind
my hands
my actions
no meaning
no future
no life
empty sex
yes
lost thoughts
yes
fast parties
yes
loads of drinks
oh yes
nothingness
oh hell motherfuckin' yes
girls, friends, possibilities
everywhere
me
nowhere
going, doing, being somebody/somewhere?
really don't know
ghosts from the past
still active
still into me
the me i thought i'd be
the me i imagined i'd be
the me i build so hard
i sold everything
i garrisoned myself in a high castle in the clouds
the me
i didn't like
i loved
i prayed for
i (carelessly and effortlessly) worked for
somebody
nobody
everybody
me

eisprung

Mutter (sms): "Jak tam leci?"
Ich: "bin nachberin ficke das internet"
Mutter: "Ein Vorteil ist, dass es keinen Eisprung hat."