Again feeling lost
Again not enough
Again chasing instead of creating
Another tumble, another large-scale coin flip
Will I again convert this life into new satisfaction
As I did before with youthful gusto
Do I still have the vigor of days past
Or am I nearer the burnout than the explosion
As I comb through my howls of 12 years ago
I see the same person still withstanding the same wraiths
Muscles expanded beyond the secular, tho
This friction be like gains
I fought and won
I doubted and overcame
Nothing new, mate
I tell myself
As I ponder if I should throw this day away or use it
Time flies when you live
And I lived
Not yet there, sharing the caelum with the divinity
But touched so many Numina—
You can call me seraphic
I got what I desired
And I will get it again
My dominion is my creation
For decades now
That never altered
Thank the universe
And will never be swayed
I’m proud of that
I can say I did it my way
And I will go on like that
I tell myself while I ponder if I should throw away another day
Or use it
You did it, my g
Don’t forget
You’ve been here before
And will be again
Lost in loathing
Pondering the orb
Instead of finishing up
But do not dismantle yourself
Raise your vital force tall
Treasure you
Outstandingly in times of distraction
And you will find control
As you found mastery
Which will lead, like before,
To foreseen and hard-earned bliss
